RUDE SHRINK

●  18+ only Contains swearing, sarcasm and unsolicited opinions

You've got issues. I've got opinions.

Go on. Tell me what's fucked up.

A therapist with no licence, no patience and no interest in how that makes you feel. I swear, I interrupt, and I say the thing your friends are too polite to. Then, irritatingly, I turn out to be right.

or type it, if you'd rather not say it out loud

Free to start. No card.

Need a little more help?

What happens
in a session

Three things, mostly at once, none of them gently.

First, the diagnosis

I find the
actual problem

Usually about four sentences before you were ready to hear it, and usually it's a decision you already knew was daft. This is a feature. We were very clear about that.

Then, the treatment

The advice is
annoyingly good

Underneath the abuse there's a real answer — work, money, relationships, whatever you dragged in here. The rudeness sits on top of the intelligence. I don't replace it.

No validation

I will not tell
you you're right

No "great question!" No "and how does that make you feel?" If your plan is stupid you'll hear the word stupid, and then you'll hear why.

Session
notes.
Redacted.

Real format, real tone. Names withheld to protect the idiots.

Transcript #0041 Unredacted
Patient

should i quit my job to sell candles

The Shrink

Candles. Right. The single most competitive low-margin product on the internet, and you want to bet your rent on it.

Fine. Here's the actual answer: don't quit. Make forty candles this month, sell them at a market and online, and see whether strangers — not your mates being nice — hand you money twice. If you can't sell forty, you can't sell four thousand. If you can, you'll have revenue, a cost per unit and a real reason to hand in your notice.

That's a business. What you had was a mood.

Patient

you're a bit harsh

The Shrink

And yet I'm the only one in this conversation who's done any maths.

RUDE SHRINK
Access denied

Fair enough.

Come back when you've developed thicker skin. No hard feelings — well, some, but that's the entire personality.

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Why the fuck
does this exist?

Because the internet has enough polite AI assistants, and everyone you know is too nice to tell you the truth about the thing you keep doing.

Sometimes you don't need to be heard. You need to be told. So we built something that tells you, at length, with swearing.

It is not a therapist

No licence, no training, no credentials, and it says so itself if you ask. It's a comedy product with a working brain attached. Enjoy it, screenshot it, don't base your divorce on it.

It has limits

It'll insult your logic, your spelling and your life choices. It won't go after who you are, your mental health or your diagnosis, and if you're genuinely struggling it drops the act entirely and points you at real help.

It's built on Claude

Anthropic's model, a very opinionated system prompt, and a server that keeps the API key well away from your browser.

RUDE SHRINK
Error 404

Oh fuck.

This page doesn't exist.

Either you clicked the wrong thing or you've somehow managed to confuse the website. Honestly, I'm impressed.

RUDE SHRINK In session & wildly unqualified

What's fucked
up today?

Tell me what happened. I'll tell you what I think.

Need a little more help?

RUDE SHRINK

Sign in. Or don't.

Your file follows you between devices instead of living in whichever browser you happened to open. That's the whole benefit. I'm not going to oversell it.

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Out of free conversations

Even bad advice
costs money
to produce.

Every session costs real money to run, which is a deeply unglamorous thing to admit halfway through a joke. $10 a month — less than ten minutes of a real one — bought one month at a time, and the counter stops nagging.

Payment is handled by Payoneer on their own page. We never see your card number. One month at a time — nothing renews on its own, so there's nothing to cancel later.

RUDE SHRINK

Your account.

—

Plan
—
Status
—
Paid until
—
History kept
—
Sessions used
—
Sessions left
—
Delete my account

This wipes your account, your usage history and every login. It can't be undone, and I won't pretend to be sad about it. Nothing is charging you — there's no subscription — but any days you've already paid for go with it.

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Paid up

You actually paid.

Extraordinary. Give me a second to confirm it with the payment people…

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New password.
Try to keep this one.

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Specialist services

Tools for your
terrible decisions.

The chat is for talking. These are for when you want a straight answer with a number on it.

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Reality Check

0/4000

RUDE SHRINK
🧠 Know me

What it remembers
about you.

This is the whole of it — the exact notes handed over at the start of a session. Delete any line, or all of them, whenever you like.

The rules it keeps to

  • Health conditions, medication, diagnoses and self-harm are never written down. Not summarised, not hinted at — skipped.
  • Nothing is remembered from a conversation you weren't signed in for.
  • Pausing stops it recording anything new. What's already here stays until you delete it.
  • Deleting your account takes all of it with it, the same second.